Always
by xRuthiex
Summary: Severus’s life flashes before his eyes as he dies. A LE/SS one-shot.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or any related material- it is the work of J.K Rowling. Also, the quote used is from the song _**Coughing Colours**_by _Tilly And The Wall_, which I did not write or own either.

**Always**

'_She was wise, full of magic and life, oh you could see it in her eyes.'  
_

Severus was alone. He had always been alone, until he met her; _Lily_. She was the most beautiful, amazing girl that anyone could ever meet, full of life and love. To Severus she was everything. Then, on one terrible day she abandoned him, and he was left alone once again. In this state he would die, eternally forgotten and abandoned, his blood seeping into the rotten floorboards and tarnishing the wood. That is all he had ever been to her, a stain on her immaculate life. Severus slumped to the floor, his body trembling as the red liquid poured from his skin and the world faded into nothingness.

"Sev, at Hogwarts could I learn how to turn these leaves into butterflies?" Severus heard Lily's voice echo in his head. The memories were thundering back, his life flashing before his eyes in a whirlwind. He could see Lily, a picture of radiance and beauty, in the woods where they used to talk. They were happy, a time before James Potter, death eaters and sorrow. She was strolling through the undergrowth, scattering russet and mahogany leaves in the autumn drizzle. She giggled as she kicked the dirty leaves, her pumpkin locks dancing in the gentle breeze.

"I suppose so" his own voice replied back. Severus had never been a confident boy, downtrodden and dejected. However, when he was with Lily, he felt lifted. She had the ability to see the beauty and goodness in all those around her, regardless of manner and appearance. Lily was not easily influenced; she was a free-spirit, one of a kind. Not like Severus, a generic lonely fool.

The scene changed, Severus's mind growing more delirious as the pain intensified and his body weakened. He could see the visions slightly sharper; Lily's emerald eyes seemed to glisten brighter in the dingy potions room. Thick, violet smoke cascaded from the cauldron, like velvet rippling in the atmosphere. Lily stirred the cauldron, her tiny arms gripping the rim with great force, her focus intense. She seemed to be fragile and delicate, yet hidden behind her jade irises was unending strength and determination. She hummed whilst she worked, brushing a strand of hair out of her magical eyes. _'A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love'_ was not necessarily her favourite tune, yet Lily always said it was fitting in the potions rooms and it sort of became her and Severus's theme tune. Lily sang worse than Celestina Warbeck's backing group of banshee's, but to Severus, the melody always sounded more beautiful when it came from Lily's lips.

The cauldron started to bubble, the hue fading into a pale shade of shimmering silver. Lily's intense staring faded into a broad grin, her eyes glittering with vivacity and joy. Her humming increased into a full blown out of time and out of tune song, Lily dancing wildly, her tendrils flying around her face and casting off scents of cinnamon and charcoal. Severus laughed at his jubilant friend, and couldn't help but crave for her more, though he knew that she never cared for him in the same way.

Severus's view shifted once more, unpleasant thoughts infecting his mind. A light snow had settled on the ground, blanketing the world in a thin layer of whiteness, an isolated land. Severus stood outside, watching the ball in the great hall through the frosted windows. The dancers twirled round, satin and taffeta shimmering in the half-light, smiles fixed on their merry faces. Everything seemed so perfect, like he was admiring a rich tapestry or a flawless painting, depicting an idyllic world. A place that he was separated from, he was devoid of friendship and love.

His attention focused on Lily, who was gliding across the floor in the arms of James Potter. They had not spoken in two years, forcing her to fall for an arrogant, selfish idiot. Severus cringed as she gazed up at James adoringly; he hated himself for saying that stupid word that wrecked his life forever. She looked spectacular, a silk silver dress draped over her subtle curves, a single grey pearl shimmering from her slender neck. Severus couldn't help but think that even if they were still friends, she would not care for him in that way, she was too beautiful for him to even dare to attempt to entice. A lonely teardrop dribbled down Severus's cheek, twinkling like a rough diamond.

Next, Severus saw Lily for the last time. He was lurking in the potions rooms, where he spent most of his time in the seventh year. He was completely alone. Slughorn, the oaf of a man, was prattling around in his office and Severus had been left to his own devices, and was attempting to brew an incredibly complex potion. Severus heard a faint pattering of footsteps on the dungeon stairs and turned to see a slender redhead hovering at the entrance to the potions room; no doubt she wanted to visit Slughorn. Severus watched anxiously and eagerly as she peered into the room, her irises rife with curiosity. She blinked pointedly as their eyes met. A wave of deep horror and longing passed through Severus, for it was at that moment he realised why he loved her beautiful eyes so much.

Her eyes were inexplicably sad, and so was he. She had accepted him, partly because she was a lovely person and partly because she was the one person that understood him. There was pain and grief tarnishing her jade glistening pools, she had been blinded and bruised. Her sister had dejected her and she was becoming marginalised from a community that should have embraced her, just by the quality of her blood. Yet, there was also uncontainable strength, wisdom and determination. She would carry on, regardless of whatever trouble or turmoil the world would throw at her. Like a wilted Lily or calm after a storm, there was something poignant and haunting about her, but it just made her more beautiful.

A final image settled in front of Severus's eyes. He was in his office, looking at Lily Evans' eyes. Her precise eyes, deep emerald that faded to a slightly deeper jade, flecks of gold and lime littering the edges and centre of the iris, yet they were not Lily Evans' eyes, they were her son's. Harry Potter, the child of her and James, the one survivor of the killing curse, and the person Severus would dedicate his life to. Severus was deeply infuriated by the boy; he was arrogant, adored his 'celebrity status' and was always meddling and finding trouble. However, sometimes Harry's green eyes pierced Severus with pain, perhaps it was the way the light sometimes shifted so his eyes glistened with the same magic and sorrow that his mother's had once possessed.

Severus felt something brush against the edge of his robe, and his eyes focused. Crouching over him was Harry Potter, shock thundering across his eyes; Lily Evans' eyes. This was one of the moments where Harry's irises reflected the wisdom, magic and vivacity that his mother always had. Severus used his remaining strength to grip the edge of Harry's robes, staring intently into the jade pools desperately whilst regurgitating memories that had flashed before his eyes moments before. He would not let his past be forgotten, his hidden goodness never shown to the world. Lily had inspired him to be courageous, to carry on chasing love, no matter how hopeless life seemed.

Finally, Severus finished coughing colours of red and silver, his memories and blood spilling over the shrieking shack. He could feel his hands loosening on the edge of Harry's robe, but his gaze would not falter. He would stare into the eyes of Lily Evans as he died, as she was his love, his life and his saving grace. Severus had spent the majority of his life attempting to help Lily, saving her child and helping to destroy the Dark Lord. As his strength continued to weaken, he realised that he would not die alone. Lily had always been with him, the love in his heart had guided him away from the death eaters and towards the light, and he would die a good man, just as Lily would have wanted.

"Look at me..." Severus choked, his dark eyes fixed on the green. He had carried burdens all his life, he and Lily both had. Through his life he continually felt scared, vulnerable and lost, but this was one of the few moments where he felt release. He was being freed from his burden of life and could find peace and rest. He would take his last breath catching glimpses of paradise, for Lily's eyes were heaven to him.

The green met the black, and something in the darker pair faded, a pale hand dropping from Harry's robe and falling to the ground with a thud.

She was his love, his live, his everything. Always.

He was gone.


End file.
